(Yes dude. YOU. Sit Down.)
Let’s skip the politeness.
If you think this article doesn’t apply to you, congratulations —
you’re the exact reason of this blog post.
You shower. You leave the house. You feel confident. By noon? You smell like damp laundry and lies.
Here’s why.
1. Using One Soap for Everything
Face. Hair. Body. Balls. Crack.
All with the same prison soap bar they handed you on parole day with your bus ticket and $50 cash.
Your body is not a one-zone operation.
Your balls are not your face.
Your crack is not your chest.
Using one cheap soap everywhere:
- Nukes your skin
- Dries you out
- Causes more stink later
- It’s just..disgusting dude.
Translation: You’re sabotaging yourself.
Fix it (or don’t, but people will notice):
👉 Happy Sack— because your balls deserve better than a morning after frat house smell
👉 Happy Crack — yes, that area exists; and no, ignoring it isn’t brave. It’s hook up ‘auto-destruct’.
2. Thinking Showering = Hygiene
Showering is the opening act, not the show.
A 3-minute rinse does nothing for:
- Sweat that returns by lunch
- Moisture trapped all day
- Funk that evolves like a science experiment
That’s why you smell “fine” at 8am and “who invited him?” at 1pm.
Fix it:
👉 Ballgasmic ball wash — Charcoal activated, soothing, calming and hydrating. Use in shower daily unless you enjoy marinating in your own sweat.
Stripping is wonderful, unless it refers to your skin. And that’s exactly what your cheap-ass dollar store body wash does to you. Ballgasmic is super gentle and calming so it removes all the bad stuff and leaves the good stuff your skin wants and needs!
3. Ignoring Below-the-Belt Care
As dudes we:
- Detail our trucks
- Upgrade our phone’s yearly
- Track macros
But we often refuse to spend 30 seconds on the swampiest area of our body!!
That mood-busting enemies of all ‘action-seeking’ guys are:
- Heat
- Friction
- Moisture
- Zero airflow
And you’re shocked it smells?
Fix it: Want a simple system even you can’t screw up?
👉 MEGA SACK SET
Clean it. Polish it. Defend it. Even your grandpa gets action in the seniors home using this magic bundle.
This isn’t “extra.”
This is entry-level adulting.
4. Using Cologne to Commit Crimes
Cologne is not a get-out-of-jail-free card.
Spraying scent over odor doesn’t make you smell better —
it makes you smell confusing, sour and like you’re back in jr. high school.
Fix it:
Get clean first.
👉 When your base layer is handled with Derm Dude ™, you don’t need to gas the room like a chemical attack.
Clean > 🔥 Guy
Every time.
5. Re-Wearing “It’s Fine” Clothes
It’s not fine.
Gym shorts. Socks. Underwear.
If it absorbed sweat, it absorbed bacteria.
Re-wearing it is just reheating yesterday’s stink and serving it hot.
Feet are the worst offenders. Our hooves have about 250,000 sweat glands!
Fix it:
👉 Holy Foot Cream™ — because if your feet smell like a locker room during a naked parade march, everything else is pointless.
You can’t be a “clean guy” with horror-movie feet.
Final Reality Check
You don’t need:
❌ A 15-step costly routine
❌ Fancy nonsense
❌ Influencer advice
You need:
- Happy Sack (balls handled)
- Happy Crack (because adults clean everything)
- Ballgasmic (stay dry all day)
- Mega Sack Set
- Holy Foot Cream (feet that don’t betray you)
Shower smart. Finish the job. Stop smelling like a warning sign.
This is not high maintenance.
It’s basic survival in society.
Stay fresh, everywhere, always-
Drew/Founder & Chief Dude Officer.