No, we’re not talking about the legend of Papa Smurf’s mega sack. We’re talking about that aching, swollen feeling you get in your balls when you’ve been pitching a tent for too long—blue balls.
Few things are as shrouded in as much mystery as blue balls. This is for two reasons:
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The term gets thrown around as a subpar substitute for any sexual frustration.
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Rarely (and thankfully) do dudes’ balls actually turn blue.
We’re here to break down everything you need to know about blue balls—from what causes them to how to get rid of blue balls.
Why Do My Balls Hurt?
Maybe they ache, maybe they feel heavy & swollen, or maybe they have a faint blue tinge to them… whatever they feel or look like, ball discomfort can be irritating & even painful—especially after arousal. Why does this happen?
What Are Blue Balls?
Everyone’s heard the term blue balls before, but what you probably haven’t heard is its scientific name: epididymal hypertension. (Yeah, say that fast 3 times in a row after a few beers.)
Epididymal hypertension (or “blue balls”) occurs when you get sexually aroused for an extended (or…elongated) period of time and no ejaculation happens. Blood builds up in your sack, which causes aching, heavy feelings & (possible) blue tint.
While it’s terribly uncomfortable, it’s not dangerous, and it should go away on its own (without ejaculation). You may have heard that if left to swell on their own, your balls will go completely blue and fall off, but we’re here to let you know that this is FALSE. No one has ever lost their sack because of blue balls.
How Blue Is Too Blue?
It’s true that blue balls get their name from the symptom of blue-toned balls, but it’s worth noting that the characteristic of epididymal hypertension is a slight shade of blue. It is most commonly found on pale skin because the discernible shade comes from the buildup of blood in the scrotal veins showing through the skin. Deep blue or purple is NOT normal and might be a symptom of something else. Seek medical attention if you experience severe pain or swelling. Seriously, dude. You don’t want to mess around with sh*t like that when it comes to your man jewels.
What Causes Blue Balls?
You’ve got a visitor over, things are heating up on the couch (or your personal home dungeon for mutually consenting adults), and your body says, “it’s go-time.” Blood flows into your berries & your veins down below restrict, keeping your friends at attention & ready for action.
The extra blood that’s now stuck down there won’t get released until one of two scenarios:
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Ejaculate.
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Wait patiently, thinking un-arousing thoughts (such as having a 3-way with Ted Cruz & Nancy Pelosi), until things (quite literally) settle down.
The longer that blood flow is restricted, the more discomfort it can cause.
How To Get Rid of Blue Balls
Unfortunately, there is no cure-all for blue balls.
Distract yourself & let that stiffy go down on its own, take matters into your own hands (literally), or relieve the pressure with a CONSENTING partner.
Other methods to reduce arousal include:
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Taking a cold shower or applying a cold compress to the area;
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Exercising (especially strength training) to circulate blood flow to other parts of the body;
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Itemizing your taxes
We also recommend using Derm Dude™ products. How does this help with blue balls? When you smell this f*cking irresistible, you’ll have a hard time keeping people’s hands off of you. 😉
Disclaimer: Nothing in our blog should be considered medical advice. Any unusual or uncomfortable matters of the junkage should be taken seriously & shared with your doctor ASAP.
Want more from Derm Dude™? Check out our other blogs on ball care:
3 comments
Blue balls hurt!
Lol, good ole blue balls. Helping teenagers cross the finish line since the ’50s.
BLUE BALLS ARE REAL!